So yesterday I tried to meditate. Frustration comes from keeping quiet and not eating and not being able to sleep. I felt the blanket on top of me, heavy and soft, and the mattress underneath. I held my arms on the sides, no limbs crossed or nothing, eyes closed and my mind completely dark.

Then I died.

I lay there for over two hours, not moving the tiniest bit, thinking how awful it would be if death were like total paralysis. No pulse, no breath, no movement- but thought. It would be an eternal prison inside your own mind. No one can hear you and you can't hear anyone because nothing exists for you any more. All you have is what you knew, and that is all you will ever know, and soon you'll just want it all to go away and really would prefer complete and utter destruction of everything you were.

Instead we'll just be gone.

The sky is overcast and I'm sorry

One more or less, nobody's worried.

But then I got thirsty, and was no longer dying.