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"Time has been transformed, and we have changed; it has advanced and set us in motion; it has unveiled its face, inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration." |
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Where to Go
Monday, July 19, 2010 They say that time heals everything, but just how long will I need to wait, because frankly 16 months is enough for me. Things don't get better, not for me anyway- they sometimes take a breather for a week or two, but then essentially it's back to the same thing. I get told to go out and hang with friends, but why? So they can see me crying too? There's no distractions from this, it's implanted in my mind and it refuses to free me. At least when I stay home I know I can drown out the sounds of a worthless man with music, there is no hiding from my feelings in public. I went out just 2 nights ago, an Irish bar with candle lit tables and brown leather seats lined along the walls. I had three friends with me but I didn't see either of them- I didn't see the others sitting in the room neither. I just looked at the seat next to me and pictured her, wondered what she was doing... Wondering what it could have been like for us. Three nights a week is too much, I don't want to wake up to tears this often. At first it's okay, it's expected and shows that you care. After a few months it becomes annoying, after the years begin to pass it gets too much. I really can't handle all this every second day of my life- I'm not about to run to the alcohol and drown my sorrows though. I don't know what to do. Of course there are the day dreams of murder for closure. Some say that if you love someone you will be happy to see them happy, all I can say to them is that then they have truly never loved someone. Because I want her to be happy, but I want her to be happy with me. I don't give a fuck if she's happy with him, especially after all that's happened. I forgave when I wouldn't normally, I trusted when I shouldn't have. Though more lessons are learned. People tell me I need to get another to replace her, to take my mind off of her. There is no replacing her. And I've tried to take a bite from different fruits- but I'm not going to be with someone else when I can't stop thinking about 'her', that's unfair. I don't know how to get over this. Labels: fuck everything, loss, love |
Follow Aetas Velox Click here to follow us on blogspot Affiliates/Links Indiscreetkids Blog Bryn's Deviantart Kristiina's Deviantart Backstabber Extracts previous posts She used her hair as a mop to clean up the bleeding Last Night I Dreamed That Somebody Loved Me Out and About I biked 10km to write this. When I grow up... New Hope Gone fishin' Feel like summer time King of the Castle I'm not usually like this |
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